Survival Mode in Motherhood: What It Looked Like for Me and How I Began to Heal
Motherhood can feel like a constant juggling act. You’re up before the sun, moving through a checklist that never ends, and often falling into bed at night still feeling wired.
I know this not just as a therapist, but as a mom who has lived through it. I’ve had multiple seasons of survival mode, and this past year has been one of the hardest yet.
A year ago, my dad—healthy, active, and just 70—was suddenly diagnosed with cancer. Like so many women in the sandwich generation, I was caring for young kids while also supporting aging parents. The diagnosis blindsided us. And when you’re already running close to empty, it doesn’t take much more to push you over the edge.
Survival mode showed up in every corner of my life: thick brain fog, irritability, and sleepless nights even though I was beyond exhausted. I’d forget simple things or struggle with even the smallest decisions—like what to cook for dinner or pack in school lunches. I lost my appetite, forgot to hydrate, and often felt far away. I can still hear my kids calling, “Hello Mommy—are you there?” when I wasn’t fully present with them.
It was such a disorienting season, and I had to be incredibly intentional about tending to myself.
For me, this looked like:
Gentle walks to remind my body it was safe
Setting a timer every couple of hours to pause and breathe deeply
Letting go of what wasn’t necessary—even things I normally enjoy—so I could conserve energy for what mattered most
Saying yes to support with meals—meals from friends, meal prep boxes and grocery deliveries became lifelines, so I didn’t have to push through another exhausting store run
Cocooning - Curling up with a light novel, a fluffy blanket, and a cup of tea. (Normally I’d read another therapy book, but in this season, my nervous system needed softness more than strategies.)
Grounding. Rooting myself in small rituals—like wrapping my hands around a warm mug of coffee or tea. See grounding practices here.
None of these things were big or glamorous. But they were enough to remind my body that I was safe, that I could come home to myself, and that even in survival mode—healing was still possible.
How I Knew I Was in Survival Mode
Survival mode isn’t always obvious. From the outside, it can look like you’re “keeping it all together,” while on the inside, you’re unraveling.
For me, it looked like:
Feeling constantly on edge, waiting for the next shoe to drop. I was so anxious ask the time
Snapping at my kids or my partner over small things
Struggling to sleep, even when I was exhausted
Brain fog and forgetfulness
A sense of being detached from myself
Difficulty relaxing, even when nothing urgent was happening
If this sounds familiar, nothing is “wrong” with you. Your body is simply doing its best to keep you safe.
Why Our Bodies Hold On to Stress
Our nervous systems are wired to protect us. When you’re under stress—whether from sleepless nights, postpartum anxiety, or the invisible mental load of motherhood—your body activates its survival response.
That “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn” mode keeps you alert. But when it doesn’t shut off, it leaves you anxious, depleted, and disconnected.
This is why I use more than just talk therapy. Because sometimes words alone aren’t enough. EMDR, IFS, and somatic practices helped me and can help you, too—teaching the body that it’s safe enough to finally let go.
What Helped Me Start to Feel Safe Again
Here are some of the small daily things that made a difference for me (and might help you too):
Ground with your senses. Notice 5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
4-7-8 breathwork. Inhale through your nose for 4, hold for 7, exhale through your mouth for 8. Set a timer to do this a few times every couple of hours.
Move gently. A short walk, stretching, or even dancing in your kitchen.
Connect. Share how you’re really doing with a trusted friend.
Grounding practices. Simple rituals to bring you back to the present.
These aren’t about doing more—they’re about creating tiny moments of safety your body can trust.
When It Was Time to Reach Out
For me, I realized I needed more when self-care wasn’t enough. That doesn’t mean I failed—it meant my body was asking for deeper tending.
You might need extra support if you’ve experienced birth trauma, miscarriage, or pregnancy loss, if anxiety or panic is disrupting your days, or if your relationships are straining under the weight of it all.
Therapy is a place to set down what’s heavy, find clarity, and begin again. Doing my own EMDR made such a profound difference for me and reminded just how helpful and important this work is.
Take Care of YOU
Motherhood will always bring challenges, but it doesn’t have to feel like survival. With the right support, you can feel calm, connected, and whole again.
If you see yourself in my story, I’d love to walk alongside you.
